Marriage Advice to my Daughter

My Dear Daughter,

I have always tried to be a model for you of what it is to be a good wife. After all these years, I am still in love with your father, more than ever. I hope you will be just as happy in your marriage.

I would like to give you some advice and I hope you will take it to heart. It comes from deep inside my soul.  Your dad and I have had our highs and lows along the way but we learned a lot from each other.

1 – Say “I love you” often and show it even more often. Hug, kiss, and hold hands. He will not go anywhere else if he is fed well at home. Be playful, make it fun and keep it interesting.

2 – Say “Thank you” for the things he does for you. Anywhere he takes you. Any gifts he gives you. Any money he gives you. Show gratitude by saying thank you and acknowledging his effort.

3 – Be kind and sweet. Never cut him down in front of people, especially your children. This will hurt him deeper than anything. Let him have his male pride even when you think he is wrong. Hold your tongue. It is better to be loved than to be right.

4 – Your spouse cannot read your mind; stop being angry or passive-aggressive when he does not respond the way you think he should. Be clear about your needs and expectations, and be patient when he has trouble speaking your love language.  It often seems we are drawn to someone who is the exact opposite of us; seek the complement, not the conflict in your differences.

5 – Think the best of him. Speak the best about him to others. Keep a mental rolodex of his shining moments. Draw on those memories when life gets hard. It will help pull you through the rough patches every marriage has.

6 – Allow him to do his job – Lead, provide and protect you in the best way he knows how. Don’t stand in his way or rise up against him. Let him take charge.

7 – As a wife, you should be honest with him and respectful towards him. Right now it seems easy to do these things but there will come times when it will be hard. Be honest even when he will not like to hear the truth.

8 – Say anything you want but say it in a respectful manner. This will get you a long way. Children learn disobedience, dishonesty and disregard from their mother’s example toward their father. Remember you chose him and God made him your leader though the covenant of marriage.

9 – It is so easy to be wounded by those we love the most. But I urge you to allow your husband to talk about his struggles, to admit his thought-sins. He will open up to you only if he feels safe and that you will not judge or reject him. Sharing his heart will be cathartic.  This goes two ways; sharing your own struggles might open the door for him to do the same.

10 – Always remember you are a wife first. Your spouse must come before everything – your children, work, home, social networking and others. Children are an expression of you and your husband’s living breathing love. Still keep having private time alone together. Laugh together, share secrets and have fun as a couple.

11 – Stand by him when he disciplines your children. Never pick them up or cuddle them after punishment until they have made up with their father. Up hold his rules and leadership of the family. Remember he has veto power in all decisions. Never disagree with him in front of the children. Present a united front. You can voice your concerns at a more private time.

12 – My grandma always said, “Women go to men for strength.” Lean on him. Need him. Listen to him. Men go to woman for comfort. A clean house, a good meal, soft kind words, back rubs and sex. Always comfort him. Never make him sorry he came home to you.

You can come and tell me anything you want. I’m your mother and love you very, very much. But as long as your husband is doing his job (leading, providing and protecting you) I will never build a case against him to you. I will always direct you back to him.

I hope you have a good man. Treat him like one and he will act like one. He will lay the moon and stars at your feet for your pleasure. And you will be in his heart forever.

I love you very much and I am proud of the woman you have grown up to be. I can’t wait to see how God writes the rest of your life story. I will be praying for you both as you start this new chapter of your life.