I think it is the nature of every woman to be born with maternal instincts. Majority of us dream of what we might do when our first child is born. Or how we would nurture and give them the best of our love. We, women tend to dream of it all, way before we get married. Well, I am no exception. Though I am just a girl of 23, I often dream of having a baby girl too. Let alone the marriage, I don’t even have a boyfriend to start with. But just the thoughts of what I would do if I should have a daughter delight me. I am sure, by and large, readers might feel it too. So, I thought of letting my thoughts flow into word here.
One day, if I should have a daughter, the first time I hold her, I would take in the baby scent. Cradled in my arms that were still unsure, she would be so tiny, so perfect; I would pinch myself to realize the beautiful miracle of a new life through all the pain and strife. In that instant, I will know the feeling of having my heart outside of my body.
I would give her so much love, the kind of love that leaves the dust in search of my daughter’s laugh, the kind of love that smiles at the tin y fingerprints on a newly cleaned window. The love that wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk. The love that picks up the child before it picks up the toys. The love that crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, runs with the child, then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood.
As she blooms from baby into a flower in my eyes, her little self would tentatively try to put on lipstick trying her best to look like me. I would tell her how pretty she looks. However, I would make sure I explain my little girl how even the most salient characteristics like beauty and youth wane over time. “You see baby,” I would tell her, “the beauty of a person is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a girl must be seen in her eyes because that is the doorway to the heart- the place where love resides.”She would be too young to understand this but I know she would listen to me anyway, nodding her little head as she listens to her Momma.
Before I notice, my once-toddler would become a child, that awkward, moody, youngster, my teenager, sweet and wild. No matter what I would assure her that Momma will always be in her side. I would do less correcting, and more connecting. I would care to know less, and know to care more. I would take more hikes and fly more kites with my little daughter. I would do more hugging and less tugging.
I would tell her I would tell her “I love you” throughout the reminders to take her bath (I love you), brush her teeth (I love you ) , don’t miss the bus(I love you).I would tell her “I love you” through the nightly rituals of put down your book(I love you), turn out the light (I love you), go to sleep(I love you).I would tell her “I love you” through the routine of daily living, I only hope she would hear between the lines. I would read her books. I would watch “Dora, the explorer” with her and watch her picking up a few Spanish words and rumbling on as she tries to learn bilingual education. Reading Aesop’s Fables, Oliver Twist and the adventure of Tom Swayer and Heckleberry Fin, I would also watch Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings to make sure I tell her the morals of the stories every now and then and every after. In between the bed-time stories, I will always remind her to be grateful for who she is and where she is and to always apologize whenever she does something wrong. While she is asleep, I would gently rub her by her ears and would whisper words of wisdom to her because it is said that words seep in even when one is asleep.
I would hold her hand every minute of every day. But I won’t because I know she needs to find her own way. I would give up anything I had to, to teach her self-worth. I would tell her “baby, proud of who you are and strive to be the best. Put forth your efforts to achieve your goals and let God do the rest.” I will make sure she knows less about the love of power and more about the power of love. As she grows older and life hands her heartbreak and failures, when things go wrong, as they sometimes will, when the road she is trudging seems all uphill, when she wants to smile but she has to sigh, when care is pressing her down a bit, Mommy may tell her, “rest, if you must, but don’t you ever quit. You may win if you just stick it out a little bit.” Though the pace may seem slow, I would tell her, she would succeed with another blow. I will make sure I build her self esteem first and the house later. I would be firm less to her often and affirm much more. Narrating Ayn Rand’s words of wisdom, “Baby”, I would admonish her,”do not let your fire go out, and spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.”
As time flew by, she may one day cross collective hearts with the man of her life. And come to Momma talking about her valentine’s adoration, I would ensure she is getting the love she deserves. When she finally talks about walking down the aisle, my mind will be in a whirl seeing my little girl dressed in gleaming satin. Through my teary eyes, I will see a dream of pears and lace, transformed into a princess, flushed excitement on her face. I would look at my elegant young woman and be saddened that she’s changing her home and name. So grown up she would be and lovely, I would feel I have lost her then, but I would remind myself I must not be selfish and I will accept and I will cope somehow. But if I see her near to tears through the mirror, Mommy will put arms around her and tell her not to be full of doubt and fears. At last, I would have reassured her, and smiling at each other, I would know my daughter will not change and I will always be her mother. I would kiss her in the eyes and tell her for even if the sun stops waking up over the fields, I will not leave till it’s on time. And till then, I will never leave her side…and be thankful for this beautiful privilege of being a MOTHER…
